Category Archives: daily life

SUNDAY POST – LIVING WITH LONG COVID #2

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In my previous article, I wrote about the run-up to the crisis that had me in despair, which happened just after my last major relapse in the third week of August. In this Sunday Post, hosted by Kimberly, the Caffeinated Reviewer, I’ll talk about what I discovered when I was well enough to be able to go online and search for more information.

The first couple of times I’d searched, I’d found some rather generic advice and a couple of accounts by other sufferers. But there was nothing specific that I could actually use to help me form any kind of coherent recovery plan. The doctor had organised a blood test, which discovered that I was slightly deficient in vitamin D, which I promptly fixed by ordering the recommended dose of tablets. However, that didn’t appear to make any difference. This time around, my online searching hit the jackpot.

Almost immediately, I came across an article recommending that Long Covid sufferers struggling with chronic fatigue get hold of a book – Classic Pacing: For a Better Life with ME by Ingebjørg Midsem Dahl, which I immediately ordered. I went for the print version, which is a bit of a beast, but I use a bookstand so I’m not holding it and I think it’s by far the better option. There are tables and lists, which are much easier to read on a real page, rather than on an ebook. At long last, I had a measure of the extent of my condition and – even more importantly – a strategy to try and stabilise my symptoms, so that I wasn’t trapped in this miserable pattern of recovery and relapse. The book recommends that I gauge my energy levels, then attempt to operate below my limit to ideally avoid becoming bedridden again.

That said, I was a bit chastened when I realised just how limited my life would be – no more quick trips to the beach for the foreseeable future. But we reckoned it was worth it if it helps my ultimate recovery from Long Covid. It also recommends that I take advantage of any equipment to enable me to rest – like using a bath stool to sit while showering, for example. This has meant I’m able to shower more frequently, which helps my mental health. When I am too weak to shower, most days I can still manage a quick wash while sitting at the sink. I went to the physio to get a set of very gentle exercises I can do lying down, on my good days, to try and stop my body becoming a flabby blob. Though fortunately, so far I haven’t put on any weight. On really good days, I take a walk around the block with Himself, using my walking staff as support to help with my balance issues. I think I’m getting a bit quicker, but a dozing snail could still overtake me with ease.

The other major recommendation was to rest frequently during the day, after each task. This prospect would have left me dismayed – but for the fact that someone online had recommended using meditation. Not only does it assist in resting the mind and body, it also teaches calmness and focus. When I mentioned this to my son, he immediately pointed me towards Headspace, an app I could upload onto my phone. This has been a huge help in helping me rest mindfully, but also to meditate on getting better, keeping positive and being kinder to myself. There are also sleepcasts and meditations to help relax before bedtime, which is important as I have a dysfunctional relationship with sleep that goes back years.

I now keep an activity journal, where I write down what I do every day and give each day a mark out of 10 for my mental and physical state. Himself has been putting these in a graph – I’ve now two months of data, as I’d started keeping the score before my relapse. This is important as Time now feels very odd. Each day runs quite slowly, but when I look back, days and weeks seem to bleed into one another so my perception of what has gone before is completely impaired. And obviously, to aid my recovery I need to understand whether I’m getting better or not, so I need a clear record of what happens on a daily basis.

I no longer make any plans – and this was initially something of a struggle as I’m an inveterate list-maker and each night, I’d work out what the coming day’s tasks would be. But I simply can’t, as I never know how I’ll be feeling. I can have three good days in a row – and the next morning wake up feeling fragile and slightly sick when I move. So it’s best not to add an extra twist of disappointment by then having to put a line through any activities I was looking forward to doing.

I pay close attention to what I eat and drink. Fortunately, I don’t have much of an appetite so I’m not tempted to snack or comfort-eat – but I learnt early on that sugar is not my friend in any form. It makes me tired, depressed and causes joint pain, particularly in my back where I have a dodgy disc, anyway. So no sweets, biscuits, or cakes – I’ve even discovered they put sugar in lots of bread. So it’s sourdough slices for my morning toast and in the evening, there’s plenty of fresh vegetables, often with a side salad, all prepared by Himself. I love my lapsang souchong, but limit myself to two cups a day – and then it’s onto a variety of herbal teas, including peppermint and liquorice; lavender and oat; redbush and turmeric. While I’m aware that caffeine can be inflammatory and it would be ideal to cut it out – there’s a balance. And right now, I reckon I need those two cups of tea in my life.

I need to stay upbeat and positive to get through this – and not just for my sake. Himself has been an absolute trooper throughout – unfailingly kind and nurturing. But I’m very aware that he is under enormous strain, not only holding down an important, safety-critical job, but then coming home and looking after me, while doing all the housework, shopping and cooking. Whenever I’m tempted to feel sorry for myself, I remember that in many ways he has it worse than I do. And whatever the future holds – there isn’t a quick fix ahead of us. I’m banking on being part of the statistical cohort that eventually recovers – I have to believe that. I had a wonderful life before this happened and I want it back. But realistically, I still have months ahead of me – maybe years – whereby I have to focus on pacing myself below what I can do in the hope that gives my body sufficient surplus energy to devote to healing itself. Wish me luck! In the meantime, I’ll try to post updates on my progress and anything I’ve encountered or experienced that might help others in my situation. Thank you so very much for your comments and good wishes – it’s been lovely to reconnect with so many of you. Though please understand that I’m likely to disappear again, as being able to spend any time in front of the computer only happens when I’m feeling at my very best.

I’ve been reading like a fiend during my illness – thank goodness for books, both audio and digital! Without them I’d be gibbering at the moon by now. I lead a very limited life and being able to escape into all sorts of intriguing worlds and adventures has helped to pass the time and keep me entertained. This week I’ve read:-

Assassin’s Bond – Book 3 of the Chains of Honor series by Lindsay Buroker
Yanko and his friends must escape a Turgonian prison and find passage back home before their enemies claim an advantage that could change the world. And not for the good of the Nurian people.

But even more trouble awaits at home. Civil war has broken out, Yanko’s family is in danger, and the man who sent him on his mission has disappeared. If Yanko can’t find Prince Zirabo, he’ll forever remain a criminal and be hunted down by his own people. Worse, his only chance to survive and redeem his honor may be to rely on the one person who’s been trying to kill him since his adventure began.
This next instalment in this entertaining adventure is full of action, incident, quirky amusing characters and laugh-aloud moments. Buroker has become a favourite author of mine over the last few months. I’m so impressed at her ability to tell a cracking story full of tension and emotion and yet still manage to inject real humour throughout.
9/10

The Necropolis Empire: A Twilight Imperium novel by Tim Pratt
Bianca Xing has spent a lifetime on a provincial planet, dreaming of travelling the stars. When her planet is annexed by the Barony of Letnev, Bianca finds herself being taken into custody, told that she’s special – the secret daughter of a brilliant scientist, hidden away on a remote planet for her own safety.

But the truth about Bianca is stranger. There are secrets hidden in her genetic code that could have galaxy altering consequences. Driven by an incredible yearning and assisted by the fearsome Letnev Captain, Dampierre, Bianca must follow her destiny to the end, even if it leads to places that are best left forgotten.
This is a real treat. Pratt’s breezy tone drives this adventure forward with verve and pace which had me really caring for the protagonists. He writes truly nice characters very well, which is harder than he makes it look. Review to follow.
9/10

The Broken Throne – Book 16 of the Schooled in Magic series by Christopher G. Nuttall
The Kingdom of Zangaria has fallen into civil war. On one side, King Randor and his forces, determined to impose his rule over the entire kingdom; on another, the noblemen who want to crush the king; on a third, Princess Alassa and the Levellers.

Caught in the middle, Emily must steer a course between her loyalty to her friend, her duty to people who put their faith in her and her fears for the future. But King Randor has unleashed forces even he may be unable to control…
This is another cracking series that has continued to deliver all sorts of unexpected twists and turns that has me enthralled. This particular episode charts some of the fallout caused by Emily bringing inventions from contemporary Earth to a feudal system driven by magic.
9/10

Battle Ground – Book 17 of the Harry Dresden series by Jim Butcher
Harry has faced terrible odds before. He has a long history of fighting enemies above his weight class. The Red Court of vampires. The fallen angels of the Order of the Blackened Denarius. The Outsiders.

But this time it’s different. A being more powerful and dangerous on an order of magnitude beyond what the world has seen in a millennium is coming. And she’s bringing an army. The Last Titan has declared war on the city of Chicago, and has come to subjugate humanity, obliterating any who stand in her way. Harry’s mission is simple but impossible: Save the city by killing a Titan. And the attempt will change Harry’s life, Chicago, and the mortal world forever.
Don’t pick this one up unless you have read Peace Talks and clearly recall the story or you’ll flounder. The action moves forward from the previous book and Butcher doesn’t hang around. And the title is spot on – the whole book essentially describes an epic battle, from the build-up to the immediate fallout. Review to follow.
8/10

Scorched Heart – Book 4 of the Firebrand series by Helen Harper
My parents were brutally murdered when I was five years old. Their killer has spent the last twenty-five years in prison for his terrible crimes – but I still have unanswered questions. After all, I am the phoenix. When I die, I am reborn in fire and brimstone. It happens again and again and again. I have no idea where my strange ability came from and nobody to ask.

Now another shocking murder has been committed in the small village where my parents died and there is evidence which suggests the killer is supernatural. The crime gives me the perfect reason to return to my childhood home. I can offer my expertise as a Supe Squad detective – and seek the truth behind what I really am. The trouble is that I might not like what I find.
In this, the fourth instalment of this exciting Brit-based urban fantasy featuring Emma, we finally discover the mystery behind the tragedy that has overshadowed her life since she was five. Harper’s pacy plotting and engaging characters have drawn me into this world and I really enjoyed the twisty climax to this tense murder mystery.
9/10

Owl’s Fair – Book 2 The Owl Star Witch series by Leanne Leeds
Once Astra Arden realized her life’s direction had been chosen for her by the goddess Athena, the former witch tracker did her best to adjust. After all, there were destinies you could fight to change, and there were destinies that, when refused, might get you turned into a stone statue for eternity.

When the altruistic Alice Windrow comes to Athena’s Garden for a tarot card reading, the cheerful young woman seems to not have a care in the world. Known throughout the town for her philanthropy funded by a distant relative’s substantial inheritance, she only wishes assurance that the marathon she sponsored will come off without a hitch. The reading takes a turn when Athena’s glowing Star Card flips—showing someone has it in for the innocent Alice. Can Astra and her sisters unravel the plot in time to stop Alice’s murder? Or will the generous girl find that her marathon is officially over—for good?
I’d found some of the reads this week a tad intense – so I went looking for something a bit more lighthearted. And recalled that I’d recently read the first book in this enjoyable urban fantasy series about poor old Astra having to move back home and being tasked to prevent murders before they happen on behalf of the goddess Athene. She even has a talking owl for help – though Archie provides all sorts of problems along the way, too. This enjoyable offering is skilfully plotted, with plenty of twists and tension along with the laughs. Just what I needed!
9/10

Thank you so much for visiting and commenting. I’m very aware that right now, it’s a very one-sided relationship and I don’t know when I’ll be in a position to start to reciprocate. In the meantime, do take care and have a lovely week:).

SUNDAY POST – LIVING WITH LONG COVID – March to August 2021

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I’m aware that after mentioning on my blog that I was struggling with Long Covid, I would occasionally pop up for a few articles and then disappear again. Sometimes there would be a smiling pic of me and Himself, looking reasonably okay. However, there hasn’t been any continuity and I increasingly haven’t been visiting other blogs or being part of the lovely online bookish community that matters so much to me. So while I can, I thought I’d try to explain what has been happening over the last seven months during this Sunday Post article, hosted by the Caffeinated Reviewer. This section takes us to the third week in August…

Looking back, having Covid now seems a bit of a blur. I do know that Himself and I went down with it together. He was a lot sicker than me, as he had problems breathing which was aggravated by his severe sleep apnea. He needs a mask and a machine to help him breathe, but the breathlessness meant he couldn’t wear his mask. Neither could he manage breathing lying down. At its worst, he spent several days – at least four – sitting in his chair in the corner of the lounge, gasping like a fish out of water. His hands were freezing and yellow and he couldn’t get warm. That was the bit that really scared me – Himself hardly ever feels cold. And never in the house with the fire going.

Given that we’d gone down with the same illness at the same time, you’d think our symptoms would be similar, but they weren’t. I didn’t have any breathing problems and instead of Himself’s difficulty in keeping warm, I was running hot with a temperature. But more than anything else, I felt achy and tired. Overwhelmingly tired. Apparently I slept eighteen hours at a time – Himself several times struggled up the stairs to make sure I was still breathing. But then, I regularly also checked up on him during the middle of the night, after jerking awake bathed in sweat in the middle of a fever-dream, convinced he’d died in his chair in the corner of the lounge. I couldn’t sit in there with him, because it was unbearably hot and I was in too much pain with aching joints and a stiletto-sharp stabbing between the ribs on my right side. That still bothers me during my relapses. I remember becoming convinced that he’d die – and feeling utterly helpless. We had a finger monitor to check our blood oxygen levels and Himself was low enough that the Dr phoned him every day to ensure he wasn’t ill enough to go to hospital. I recall feeling that we were in the middle of a complicated nightmare and when I look back on it, that whole period seems like a very bad dream.

Thankfully, we gradually started to recover. However, I still slept a lot and would wake up, groggy and hot, feeling weary. It took me nearly another two weeks after Himself had returned to work in April, before I began to feel a bit more like myself. But every so often I would try to do something, only to be engulfed in a terrible sensation – as if I’d run a very long race. I’d be sweating, my body was shaky and weak, the room would start tilting and I’d feel as if I was about to be sick. Tiredness… fatigue… exhaustion… those words don’t begin to describe it. Sometimes, just putting my feet on the floor while getting out of bed brings it on.

However, I was sure it would pass and very gradually, with a few hitches, I seemed to be getting better. It helped that we had a lot of sunshine in June and July. Indeed, by mid-June I was up and about, and although I did have the odd day when I felt terrible, I finally believed I was able to put the whole horrible experience behind me. Then came the curtain-washing incident. I wanted to clean the house thoroughly and decided one lovely sunny morning to wash the curtains. I managed the lounge curtains and the first set in the hall. But getting on a stool to take down the next set – I was hit again with the same symptoms – shakiness, terrible weakness, dizziness and suddenly I was retching. I crawled upstairs and back to bed. And spent days there, only able to stagger to the adjacent toilet when I had to.

And that has set the pattern ever since. I have intervals when I begin to feel a bit better, but the minute I try to do a little bit more, particularly writing – I am once more felled by incapacitating fatigue. It also blankets my emotions. I’m not upset, or sad when I’m bedridden – and I certainly can’t cry, as I don’t have the energy. I call it ‘zombie mode’. I was also coping with my hair coming out in handfuls. Thankfully that’s now stopped and I’m grateful that my hair used to be really thick, as I’ve lost about half of it. Everyone assures me that it will grow back. Additionally, I suffered badly with eczema across my back, itching terribly during the night sweats that still plague me, even when I’m not in the middle of a relapse.

That depressing routine – of starting to feel a little bit better, before suddenly finding I was overwhelmed by exhaustion – has laid waste to my life. I can’t even reliably empty the dishwasher, or clean the bathroom sink. Small bits of writing can only be done on very, very good days, and there aren’t many of those. I often cannot shower or get dressed and putting on make-up is a distant dream. And while everyone around me was unfailingly kind and encouraging – particularly Himself, who has been a superstar throughout – I began to increasingly feel that this was all that lay ahead of me.

There came a day, just after last relapse when I reached the bottom. I was in despair. Before I got sick, I’d had a wonderful life as a writer and teacher – a life that I’d worked hard to achieve. And now, it seemed to be lying in ashes at my feet. I knew I’d much to be grateful for. Unlike many Long Covid sufferers, I’m not in chronic pain and I don’t suffer the terrible breathlessness that afflicted Himself when he was ill. I’ve a wonderful, supportive husband, who is unfailingly nurturing and kind. But still… this seemed a terrible way to have to spend the rest of my life. I was taking vitamins and supplements, trying to be mindful of my energy – and yet, during August I suffered yet another relapse. This one stretched on for fourteen days and when I finally felt well enough to get up again, I was desperate not to end up in zombie mode again, too tired to think or feel. My previous efforts to find information online hadn’t amounted to much more than some vague advice, which hadn’t been all that useful.

And as if in answer to my prayers – the following day, that’s what happened. A major breakthrough. I’ll talk more about that in my next article – though I can’t promise when I’ll post it. In the meantime, I’m so very grateful for those of you who continue to visit and like and comment whenever I summon the energy to publish a review – thank you!

*NEW RELEASE SPECIAL* Review of The Haunted Homecoming – Book 10 of the Southern Ghosts series by Angie Fox #BrainfluffNETGALLEYbookreview #TheHauntedHomecomingbookreview

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I’ve done it again… I thoroughly enjoyed Angie Fox’s Monster M*A*S*H series – see my reviews of The Monster MASH, The Transylvania Twist and Werewolves of London. So during lockdown, I also tucked into the first couple of books in this engaging Southern Ghosts series and was delighted to find new release, The Haunted Homecoming, appear on Netgalley. What I hadn’t appreciated was that it was the tenth book! Would I be able to enjoy it anyway?

BLURB: Apple cider, bonfires, football, and—ghosts.

It’s homecoming weekend in Sugarland, Tennessee and ghost hunter Verity Long is tickled to see so many souls—living and dead—back in town to celebrate. But not all reunions are happy ones, and when Verity stumbles upon a dead body by the football field, it appears someone has already evened the score.

REVIEW: Despite having missed out books 3-9 in this delightfully warm-hearted, cosy murder mystery, I don’t think newcomers to this series would have any difficulty in crashing into this series, as Verity’s enjoyable first-person narration sweeps up the reader and draws them into Sugarland’s festivities. Right now, I particularly appreciate dollops of humour along with my urban fantasy shenanigans – and Fox provides just the right amount of snark and delightful moments of comedy. I particularly relished getting to know Verity’s mother, who returns to Sugarland for Homecoming Week, along with her husband. The tension between mother and daughter was both funny and, at times, poignant. Humour can often have a cruel edge – but Fox’s exuberant, upbeat writing style doesn’t go there.

For all the excitement and loving descriptions of lots of sugar-laden treats – I wouldn’t recommend this book if you’re trying to diet – Fox also has a sharp eye for small-town friction. We have a good spread of suspects with strong reasons for wanting Ashley to keep quiet. Although I was pleased to see that the perpetrator wasn’t someone I had initially suspected. All in all, this was a really enjoyable read and I look forward to going back and catching up with more of Verity’s adventures. While I obtained an arc of The Haunted Homecoming from the publishers via Netgalley, the opinions I have expressed are unbiased and my own.
8/10

Tuesday Treasures – 36 #Brainfluffbookblog

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This week on Tuesday Treasures, I am featuring our first walk along Littlehampton beach for a very long time. Despite deciding it would be a good idea to get out in the fresh air well over a month ago, after Oscar left we were beset by weeks of thunderstorms and sudden downpours and given I don’t move very fast, I would have been drenched. And then I became ill again. So now I’m once again recovering, yesterday we ventured out – and though it was blowing a hoolie, it was wonderful to get down to the beach again. I was interested to see all the young gulls feeding down on the sand together. During the day, the nest next door is now quiet, so this must be where they spend their time. The plants are from the borders lining Pier Road, which look fabulous at this time of the year.

Tuesday Treasures – 35 #Brainfluffbookblog

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This week on Tuesday Treasures, I am featuring more of our unkempt garden… Since I’ve taken these pics – on a day when I was feeling better – Himself has now done a lot of weeding, so it’s looking tidier! And I’m also able to sit out in the sunshine and enjoy it😊.


Tuesday Treasures – 34 #Brainfluffbookblog

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This week on Tuesday Treasures, I am featuring our VERY shaggy, rather dishevelled garden. Now I’m suffering from Long Covid, Himself – who was also badly smitten by the illness – now has to do all the cooking, cleaning and gardening, in addition to taking care of me and holding down a full-time job. Therefore the gardening has been a tad neglected… However, he has been weeding, if not cutting back or mowing – and I think the effect is really rather lovely. Now we just need a run of hot weather to be able to sit out in the sunshine and enjoy it.

The fallen echium is the result of a violent storm we had a couple of weeks ago. In all the time I’ve been growing echiums in the garden, since 2005, it’s the first time one has been blown over, but it’s still alive and flowering, so my instinct is to leave it there until the bees stop coming to it.


*NEW RELEASE SPECIAL* Review of NETGALLEY arc We Are Satellites by Sarah Pinsker #BrainfluffNETGALLEYbookreview #WeAreSatellinesbook review

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That cover first attracted me – and then the blurb. Any parent will recognise that opening line as the battlecry their offspring invariably use when they want the latest gismo – and the truth of it snagged my attention. And the fact that Tammy of Books, Bones and Buffy was highlighting it also made me look twice – she has a great knack for sniffing out the special ones…

BLURB: Everybody’s getting one.
Val and Julie just want what’s best for their kids, David and Sophie. So when teenage son David comes home one day asking for a Pilot, a new brain implant to help with school, they reluctantly agree. This is the future, after all. Soon, Julie feels mounting pressure at work to get a Pilot to keep pace with her colleagues, leaving Val and Sophie part of the shrinking minority of people without the device.

Before long, the implications are clear, for the family and society: get a Pilot or get left behind. With government subsidies and no downside, why would anyone refuse? And how do you stop a technology once it’s everywhere? Those are the questions Sophie and her anti-Pilot movement rise up to answer, even if it puts them up against the Pilot’s powerful manufacturer and pits Sophie against the people she loves most.

REVIEW: Initially, I started this one waiting for the family dynamic to twist into something darker… For there to be a hidden, nasty past that would catch up with Val or Julie; for there to be something dire about the children’s origins; for an alien something to come crawling out of the woodwork and capitalise on the Pilot. And I’m delighted to say that nothing like that happened. This book is more intelligently plotted than that.

Instead, it is a real look at a likely scenario that could unfold within our present near-future if an app is invented to increase the brain’s ability to multi-task and focus – and it’s ongoing impact on a specific family over a number of years… And if that sounds a bit dull, or workaday, it isn’t. While this isn’t the book to go to if you want full-on action with lots of explosive battles, the dilemmas created by using the Pilot had me turning the pages waaay into the night to discover how it pans out. And what happens to those who can’t or won’t use the Pilot, once it has been successfully rolled out to most of the population…

I loved both Val and Julie, who are thoughtful, caring parents who want the best for their children and agonise about David’s desperate desire to be able to keep up with his richer classmates. Julie, who works for a high-profile politician, also comes under pressure to acquire a Pilot to keep on top of her boss’s schedule. And then, there’s Val who hates the very idea of having anything so intrusive anywhere near her brain, especially as their daughter, Sophie, will never be able to have one fitted because of her epileptic seizures. We follow their fortunes as the consequences of their difference decisions unspool over a number of years.

The depth of the characterisation, the quality of the narrative arc and the final fallout worked really well for me. In particular, I found David’s plight really poignant – and I would just add a trigger warning for drug abuse and PTSD. I’m aware that I might have made this sound rather drearily worthy. It’s nothing of the sort – there are shafts of humour within the family snark, the prose is punchy and the tight pacing keeps the story rolling forward at a brisk lick. I haven’t encountered this author before – but this certainly won’t be the last time I’ll be reading her work. Highly recommended for both sci fi fans and those who enjoy reading family-centred stories with an unusual dynamic. While I obtained an arc of We Are Satellites from Netgalley, the opinions I have expressed are unbiased and my own.
10/10

Tuesday Treasures – 33 #Brainfluffbookblog

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This week on Tuesday Treasures, some of the photos are from our beach walk on Sunday and some from the garden. As I didn’t have the energy to spend much time on a long walk, or an extended ramble around the garden, I didn’t get to take many pics. But the sun was shining and it was lovely to walk on the sands for the first time since February!


Tuesday Treasures – 32 #Brainfluffbookblog

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This week on Tuesday Treasures, the photos are from last week on a lovely sunny morning when I took a wander around the garden with my camera. The garden is in a dreadful state, given that it is busy being overrun by weeds and neither of us has the energy to do anything about it – but at least some of legal plants are also putting their best foot forward, too.


Tuesday Treasures – 31 #Brainfluffbookblog #LightintheLockdown

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This week on Tuesday Treasures, I’m winding back to the beginning of March, which seems like a very long time ago. We went for a walk along Littlehampton Beach just a few days before we both became ill with Covid 19.

It was a lovely sunny day although there was a wind blowing and the sea was a little rough. I have also taken some views through the bench – apparently it’s the longest bench in the world and it runs the length of the seafront and in a couple of places, the designers have snarled it all up to make it longer. Though it wasn’t the top of the tide, the River Arun was higher than usual because we’d had a lot of rain the previous week. And as you can see, they were still busy dredging the mouth of the river for the large gravel boats that work out of Littlehampton Harbour. Stay safe.