HELP! I’m all blurbed out…

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I’m working on my back cover blurb for Running Out of Space and have got to the stage where I’m spinning in hamster-wheel circles in my head… I cannot decide which is the better, punchier-yet-informative blurb. I’d be very grateful for any feedback!

Running Out of Space – Blurb 1

Jezel Campo is supposed to find a husband within the Iberian space-merchant community, settle down in Nuevo Madrid and produce a brood of babies. But her ambition to be a serving officer enrages her disciplinarian father, Captain Vicente Campo.

An illegal expedition to the lower reaches of Space Station Hawking spins out of control when Jezel and her friends tangle with a dregger gang. However, they are saved from a beating, or worse, when Wynn steps in and guides them to safety. Dazzled by his blonde good looks, Jezel takes him aboard the Estrella Fugaz and guarantees him safe passage to their next destination. Which turns out to be a very rash promise…

Running Out of Space – Blurb 2

Jezel Campo has yearned to be an officer on her father’s Iberian merchanting ship for as long as she can remember. But serving aboard the Estrella Fugaz is a very different experience from the excitement and adventure she’d always imagined. So Jezel and three friends take themselves off on an unchaperoned jaunt to the lower reaches of Space Station Hawking to prove that young women can also deal with danger – a big mistake.

The consequences of that single expedition changes the lives of all four of them, Jezel’s family – and the blond-haired stranger who steps in to save them from the dregger gang in the lawless Basement Level. And now, Jezel has more excitement and danger than she knows what to do with…

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10 responses »

    • Hi Della,

      Many thanks for taking the trouble to get in touch and help me out:). I appreciate your comment – everyone who has got in touch to date (Mhairi has also commented via Twitter) has agreed with you. See you on Thursday!

  1. I also like #2. It reveals Jezel’s goal (which is a good way to hook new readers) and better hints at the danger and adventure to come. The first one gives the impression that it’s a space opera romance; and having read the manuscript, I know there’s a lot more going on in ROoS than that. I guess it depends on what you want to focus on – but if it’s a space opera, the adventure angle might the best bet.

  2. Thank you Sara – your opinion is especially valuable, as you’ve read the manuscript so know which version best reflects the overall story. You’re right – while there is an element of romance, it is more of an adventure, so I will be definitely using the second version of the blurb.

  3. I like #2 quite a bit better. Here’s an edited version:

    Jezel Campo has yearned to be an officer on her father’s ship, the Estrella Fugaz, for as long as she can remember. But serving aboard it doesn’t deliver the excitement and adventure she’d always imagined. So Jezel and three friends take off on an unchaperoned jaunt to the lower reaches of Space Station Hawking to prove that young women can deal with danger – a big mistake.

    That single expedition changes the lives of all four of them, Jezel’s family, and the blond-haired stranger who saved them from the dregger gang on the station. And now Jezel faces more excitement and danger than she ever imagined.

    • Thank you Graeme for taking the trouble to comment. Yes… I’d already decided that I was going with No 2:). Thank you for the luck – I’ll certainly need it!

  4. I’m a bit late to the party (catching up with blogs in bulk, as you see), but I like the second one better too. The first one made me wonder how much of the story the blurb already revealed while the second one focuses on the main character and her goals. It builds up curiosity.

  5. Thank you for taking the time to comment – I appreciate it. I’d written the first one a while ago, then had another crack at it and came up with the second version and was reasonably happy with it. And then started second-guessing myself by wondering if I should add in more details about the background, etc. So got myself in a right old tangle. And while I could have worked out in a heartbeat which was the stronger offering if it had been someone else’s work, I had spent sooo much time on the wretched thing, I couldn’t see the writing for the words…

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