So… what about YOU?


I was reading Sarah McCoy’s sharply funny blog yesterday ‘Shag, Marry and Kill (Literary Edition)’ on Writer Unbox – see the post here – when I got to wondering… Which fictional characters would I shag, marry and kill?

I was debating whether to be all clever about this… Present you with some eminently desirable hunk from the 420410-colin-firth-pride-and-prejudiceplethora of books I devour – but decided in the end to be absolutely honest. Because if I’m not, frankly what’s the point of sharing my feelings with you? And the reason why I was tempted to lie? The moment I imagined myself rolling around in passionate abandonment with any fictional character – an image floated across my inscape of a certain actor wading out of a lake wearing a white cotton shirt, breeches and a look of shocked longing… Yep. It’s Mr Darcy – and yes, it would be the Colin Firth version. And yes… I know that lake scene doesn’t appear in the book – but I’m betting that someone who keeps himself on such a tight leash, yet is prepared to continue pursuing the object of his desire even after a rebuff, is probably an exciting and inventive lover.

But as for marrying? Nope – he’s far too prickly and closed off. Once the initial fervour died down, I reckon he’d be a rather distant, if loyal husband… Lizzie Bennet is welcome to cope with his cagey defensiveness.

Again, this is a no-brainer. It HAS to be Gabriel Oak, the lovelorn shepherd in Far From the Madding Crowd by Thomas Hardy. Though all his steady, loyal love is wasted on that flighty Bathsheba, whose empty head is initially turned by an officer’s uniform and some flashy swordplay.

I was smitten by Gabriel at the tender age of 16, when reading the book and came across the passage where was describing the sort of home he wanted to provide for Bathsheba. When he talked about at the end of the day, both of them reading either side of the fire and said, ‘And at home by the fire, whenever you look up there I shall be— and whenever I look up, there will be you…’ I felt a lump in my throat and was lost in a mist of longing for someone just like that.

Which is why, when I found someone with the same enduring quality, who also shares my love for books, I fell hook, line and sinker – and am now very happily married to him.

Killing someone is a VERY big deal. So in order for me to be prepared to murder a character, they have to be absolutely evil and pose a terrible threat to those who are unable to fight back.

THE WITCHES (BR1990) ANGELICA HUSTONThe character who always raised the hair on the back of my neck is the Grand High Witch from Roald Dahl’s spooky book The Witches. She is one of the most memorably unpleasant antagonists I’ve encountered with her sheer malice and determination to rid the world of all children. Most pantomime-type villains are ameliorated by some bungling – but Dahl doesn’t do this. So, as long as I wasn’t immediately turned into a pile of ash, she would be the character I would like to kill – preferably before she turns the boy into a mouse…

So… that’s my three – what about you? Which fictional characters would you like to shag, marry and kill? Do please let me know in the comments – I’d love to hear from you.

11 responses »

  1. Lol, I love this! Okay, I’m more of a Bronte girl than Austen, so I’d shag Mr. Rochester and put a smile on that stern face! But as for marrying, he’s far too uptight, besides he’s married already. No, as for marrying, a strange choice here that completely goes against my type in real life (as I’m not a huge fan of short men), but I’d have to go for Sam Gamgee. The first time I read LOTR I fell in love with him. His unswerving loyalty, love, he’s not looking for glory or to fulfil some grand quest, his only concern is for those he loves, a truly selfless character full of warm and generosity of spirit. He may be…ahem…on the short side, but we could make it work! Lol! As for killing, I’d have to choose the charismatic but evil to the core villain from my own book, Morreck, knowing what he has in store not only for the characters I love so much but also for the rest of humanity…he needs to be eliminated! 😀

    • Yes… I can see the appeal of Mr Rochester – only BEFORE he was blinded, I think. He went a bit pathetic afterwards. And I ENTIRELY get why Sam gets your vote – all his attributes will make him a keeper:)). I’ll HAVE to read ‘White Mountain’ – it’s on my TBR list… and then I can discuss Morreck with you!

      • Ahhh… so when you are writing characters, do you consciously base them on people you know? I only discover a LOT later that I’ve ‘borrowed’ attributes from friends and family – and even then it’s normally my husband who points it out…

      • A bit of both to be honest. I always knew who to base my villain on, right from the beginning…kind of an insight into evil I suppose. I think if you’re writing a villainous character specifically, if you want that character to be a fully formed 3-Dimensional character rather than just a motiveless and bland caricature of someone who does evil for the sake of doing evil, then it really helps to have someone to base that character on. I didn’t want my villain to be a pantomime villain or just another mish-mash of other ‘baddies’ from other books. But as for my other characters, yes, I kind of discovered that they were based on me and people I knew as I was writing them! 😀

  2. Oooooh! I saw this game on someone else’s blog a day or two ago, and thought it was hysterical. 😀

    I would absolutely shag Valek from Maria V. Snyder’s Study series. (Sorry, Yelena.) There’s something alluring about an assassin and master spy. I do admire Valek for his good qualities, like his cleverness and meticulousness; and he’s got some fantastic quotes in the first book, Poison Study, that have nothing to do with love, relationships, etc. – they’re just great quotes in general – and they made my heart go THUD. But an assassin… kind of has too much blood on their hands to be good marriage material, IMO. *lol* Valek’s also a little too cocky sometimes

    Which brings me to Prince Brigan from Kristin Cashore’s Fire. I would marry him in a heartbeat. (Sorry, Fire.) At the beginning, he’s closed off and angry (readers learn why as part of the story). But as Brigan opens up to Fire, readers see his true colors. He’s kind, gentle, true to his values, and aware of the weight of his responsibilities – all this despite the fact that he’s the general of the royal army. I would marry a man like that. 🙂

    As for killing… The only one I can think of is Bella from the Twilight series. I couldn’t STAND her after the second book. She was so annoying and weak-willed and unadmirable that I wanted to strangle her by the end. I’m not joking. And I guess that mean you now know how I’d kill her, too! *lol*

  3. Love this! Ok, here goes….
    Shag: Jason Statham as Frank Martin in the Transporter. The fight scene with the oil in the basement? Sploosh! He is a massive hottie.
    Marry: Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones. He’s intelligent, exciting and well, pretty hot in those movies! All action hero.
    Kill: Princess Mombi in Return to Oz. She has haunted me since I watched the movie as a kid. She has a room full of changeable heads FFS!

    • Thank you for taking the trouble to share your shag, marry and kill choices, Vixy:). I very much approve of your shag/marry candidates – you’re right, they are BOTH hot. Not too sure whether Indiana is all that good as husband material – I get the feeling the next great ancient treasure trove and he’d be off…
      As for Princess Mombi – oh yeah – I think you’re absolutely right!

      • I think as long as you’re willing to follow him (Indiana) and join him in the adventure, you’d be fine! 😉 Thanks for your reply. Princess Mombi-still freaks me out!

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