The Adventures of Mike and SJ – Episode 11


This thread started on a forum Mike and I shared, when we started playing off each other about this alternative/fantasy persona we each gave ourselves. Since then, we’ve started writing a novel together and Mike has had a number of books published as Michael D. Griffiths (The Chronicles of Jack Primus, Part I, The Chronicles of Jack Primus, Part II, Eternal Aftermath) while I’ve been busy rewriting several books and establishing my Creative Writing classes at Northbrook College. But though he writes horror and I write sci fi, when we get together, we write… differently! So I thought I’d put a slice of our combined madness on my blog…

Maybe this will work out if I can Mike to calm down. Jack’s alright. Well – not really. He’s sitting in the corner downing a gallon of beer, along with his sorrow that he couldn’t continue his big old punch-up. Not with that huge guy still crying cos Jack punched him in the jaw. They’re actors, you see.

blimpWe’ve managed to gatecrash a BBC production shoot of the new Dr Who series in this London pub, where they’ve just been setting up a big publicity stunt for the new Christmas special. Got this big blimp looking like an alien ship floating in the sky, with people on harnesses being winched up. Jack went into hero overdrive – grabbed hold of one girl’s legs, while Dahtoe started attacking the blimp. We did manage to stop the mad bird before he brought it down, which was a huge relief for everyone living under it. I think they’re bonkers – whatever happened to CGI? Putting stuff like that up in the sky, is just asking for trouble when the likes of Dahtoe is loose up there…

The producer came and introduced himself – and I braced myself, waiting for the rant about wrecking his set and causing all this trouble. But no. For a change, he was really nice and wants us along as part of the storyline, apparently. Thinks that we look ‘the real thing’ – whatever that is. Trouble is, Mike’s just puddled down into a glassy-eyed, foot shuffling fool, who keeps mumbling ‘Billy Piper’ under his breath and turning unbecoming shades of beet that clash with the alternating stripes in his hair.

I tried to tell him that Billy Piper stopped being Dr Who’s plucky assistant a few series ago – but I don’t think it went in. I’ve a nasty feeling that it isn’t Mike who’s seriously stuck on Ms Piper – I reckon it’s Little Wax Head Boy. And trying to get the LWHB to change his mind is about as easy as ten pin bowling with a boulder.

They’ve given us a script and we’ve got two hours to learn the words. If I can’t get Mike to snap out of it, we’ll never manage. Ah – I’ve an idea. Granted, it’s a bit extreme. But it’s worth a go – after all desperate times call for desperate measures. If nothing else, we could do with the cash – they’re offering us £400 a day. Each…

If I could just get Dahtoe to land on Mike’s shoulder and nibble at his ear. A bit. The pain might bring him round. I don’t like doing it – but it’s called tough love…

Dahtoe! Here, boy! Look – pork scratchings… Yeah – thought that would get your attention. And another piece – wow, it’s cool watching you snatch it out of the sky, like that… But what about this, then? A nice tasty piece – only I’ve hidden it in Mike’s ear… C’mon, Dahtoe…


What huh, YOW!

Get off me you, silly bird. Some familar you are. Yeah, you better keep moooovvvving away.

What’s going on now? What is Jack all grumpy about? Huh – what? The soundman’s evil and SJ won’t let you kick his butt because we soundamnare broke?

What – we are going to be on the BBC? Well…I did a little acting myself. I’m sure you saw that nurse training video that came out in 2004. You see I played a mean foreman and-

*Whispering* Oh shoot, I didn’t know they were filming just then. No, Jack I don’t think the soundman did that on purpose. Yes, I think we should leave, but SJ won’t let us. She keeps going on and on about her power bills and all the petrol she has bought. Besides… I have to admit a little beer money won’t hurt.

Um… do I want Billy Piper’s autograph? Oh yeah… that’d be totally cool! Have you met her – she looks so hot… Wait – aren’t you the soundman?

Jack, NO STOP!

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